When the Holidays Feel Heavy: Navigating Immigration-Related Family Separation and Trauma

The holiday season is often associated with joy, family gatherings, and celebration. However, for many individuals and families impacted by immigration-related separation, this time of year can instead bring pain, longing, and uncertainty. The absence of loved ones, fears of deportation, and the emotional toll of systemic barriers can create an overwhelming sense of loss and disconnection.

This pain is multidimensional. It is not only psychological but also somatic. It is felt throughout the body, impacting sleep, concentration, and the ability to experience safety. This article explores how immigration-related separation impacts mental health, the body’s trauma response, and ways to find healing during a painful holiday season.

Family Separation and Mental Health

Research consistently shows that separation from family members due to migration or immigration enforcement has profound psychological consequences. Studies have found that family separation is strongly associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), even when controlling for other types of trauma exposure (Miller et al., 2018).

For many adults, the fear of losing contact with family members or the experience of living apart from them can lead to chronic emotional distress. This form of “ambiguous loss,” where loved ones are physically absent but emotionally present, can prolong grief and hinder healing (Boss, 2016).  In children, family separation has been shown to increase the risk for behavioral and emotional issues, sleep disturbances, and attachment difficulties (Linton et al., 2019). These effects often extend into adulthood, shaping long-term relational and emotional patterns.

Immigration Enforcement and Chronic Fear

The broader climate of immigration enforcement and instability also contributes to ongoing stress and trauma. Research indicates that fear of deportation, detainment, or separation significantly elevates psychological distress among undocumented and mixed-status families (Castañeda et al., 2015).

 Immigration policies that increase uncertainty about family stability have been found to create what psychologists describe as “toxic stress,” a prolonged activation of the body’s stress response system without sufficient relief or support (Shonkoff et al., 2012). Over time, this can contribute to chronic anxiety, sleep problems, and difficulty regulating emotions.

The Body Remembers: Somatic Effects of Immigration Trauma

Trauma resulting from immigration stress and family separation affects both the mind and body. The nervous system, especially the limbic system and amygdala, remains on high alert, even after the immediate threat passes. This physiological pattern, known as hypervigilance, can manifest as tension, fatigue, gastrointestinal problems, or chronic pain (van der Kolk, 2014).

People experiencing this form of stress may find themselves easily startled, emotionally detached, or experiencing persistent “fight, flight, or freeze” responses. These symptoms are not signs of weakness. These symptoms are evidence that the body is working hard to keep the person safe, even in moments of rest.

Why the Holidays Can Intensify These Feelings?

The holidays can amplify these challenges. Seasonal rituals such as family gatherings, meals, and cultural traditions, often serve as reminders of absence or disconnection. When loved ones are missing, individuals may experience a resurgence of grief or guilt. Social expectations to appear joyful can also heighten shame or isolation, particularly for immigrants who are grieving privately. For many, the pressure to remain strong for others adds another emotional layer, silencing the pain of separation.

Healing Through Connection and Regulation

While the realities of separation and immigration trauma cannot always be changed, healing remains possible through intentional self-care, body awareness, and community connection.

1. Grounding and Nervous System Regulation

When the mind drifts into fear or longing, the body often follows. Grounding helps interrupt that cycle by bringing awareness back to the present moment and signaling safety to the nervous system (Ogden & Fisher, 2015; van der Kolk, 2014).

Try noticing what feels comforting around you. Is it the warmth of a mug, the sound of your breath, or the scent of café con leche in the morning? For some, holding a rosary, holding your baby’s blanket, or touching another meaningful object can offer a sense of calm and connection.

These small sensory moments tell the body, “I am safe right now,” allowing it to slow down and begin to heal.

2. Creating Rituals of Connection

Rituals help the brain and body feel safe through familiarity and repetition. When we participate in meaningful actions such as lighting a candle, preparing traditional foods, or writing a letter to a loved one, the brain releases soothing neurochemicals and activates pathways linked to comfort and attachment (Porges, 2011; Cozolino, 2017). These small, intentional acts can calm the nervous system by reminding it that connection and belonging still exist, even when loved ones are far away.

For many in immigrant or Latinx families, this might look like playing familiar holiday music, cooking tamales or arroz con leche, lighting a velita, or holding a rosary while saying a quiet prayer. These rituals become bridges between absence and presence; moments where love, memory, and identity meet (Boss, 2016).

3. Self-Compassion and Parts Work

After trauma or loss, different “parts” of us may hold pain. A part of us may grieve, another feels guilty, and another tries to stay strong. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us notice these parts with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020).

From a brain perspective, self-compassion soothes the limbic system and activates regions linked to safety and empathy, helping the body move from survival to healing (Siegel, 2012).

For many Latinx and immigrant families, compassion is often shown to others, not ourselves. Yet healing begins when we turn that same warmth inward. You may write a letter to your younger self, while breathing deeply, or whispering, “Estoy haciendo lo mejor que puedo con lo que tengo.”

These small moments remind the nervous system: you are safe, you are seen, you are enough.

4. Somatic Awareness

Trauma often lives in the body, not just the mind. When the nervous system stays in “survival mode,” gentle movement and breathwork can help signal to the brain that it is safe again (van der Kolk, 2014). Practices such as slow, rhythmic breathing activate the vagus nerve, which lowers heart rate and helps restore balance in the parasympathetic nervous system (Porges, 2011).

Somatic awareness doesn’t have to look like formal yoga. It can be as simple as walking outside, stretching your arms toward the sky, or dancing to your favorite song from home. For many Latinx and immigrant families, movement is also connection. It is about celebration and losing ourselves to the music during family gatherings, cooking while humming, or saying a prayer while placing a hand on the heart. These embodied acts remind the body, “I am here. I am safe enough to feel.”

5. Professional Support

Sometimes, healing requires guided support. Trauma-informed therapy helps individuals process painful experiences while teaching the nervous system new ways to regulate (Cozolino, 2017). Research shows that culturally responsive care, especially when offered in a client’s native language, can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma (Castañeda et al., 2015).

For bilingual and immigrant clients, therapy can become a bridge between cultures, languages, and generations. Working with a therapist who understands the nuances of familismo, respeto, and sacrifice creates a space where the full story can finally be told without fear or translation. Healing is not about erasing your past — it’s about integrating it with compassion and dignity.

A Closing Reflection

If this season feels heavy, remember that there is nothing wrong with your sadness or longing. These emotions are the echoes of love. They are the reminders of how deeply you care and how bravely you’ve endured. Healing is not about forgetting what was lost, but about learning to hold both pain and hope in the same heart.

During times like these, community, culture, and connection become medicine. Whether that means sharing stories with family, lighting a velita in memory of those far away, or simply allowing yourself to rest — every small act of care matters.

At Vida Wellness and Counseling Services, our work is rooted in compassion, culture, and understanding. This message is shared from our hearts to yours. A gentle reminder that healing is possible, and that even in hard seasons, your spirit carries light.

Follow @VidaWellnessCounseling for reflections and practices that nurture the mind, body, and soul.

References

·        Boss, P. (2016). The myth of closure: Ambiguous loss in a time of pandemic and change. W. W. Norton & Company.

·        Castañeda, H., Holmes, S. M., Madrigal, D. S., Young, M., Beyeler, N., & Quesada, J. (2015). Immigration as a social determinant of health. Annual Review of Public Health, 36(1), 375–392. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-publhealth-032013-182419

·        Cozolino, L. (2017). The neuroscience of psychotherapy: Healing the social brain (3rd ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.

·        Linton, J. M., Griffin, M., & Shapiro, A. J. (2019). Detention of immigrant children. Pediatrics, 139(5), e20170483. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2017-0483

·        Miller, A., Hess, J., Bybee, D., & Goodkind, J. (2018). Understanding the mental health consequences of family separation for refugees. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 88(4), 404–414. https://doi.org/10.1037/ort0000305

·        Ogden, P., & Fisher, J. (2015). Sensorimotor psychotherapy: Interventions for trauma and attachment. W. W. Norton & Company.

·        Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

·        Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

·        Shonkoff, J. P., Garner, A. S., Siegel, B. S., Dobbins, M. I., Earls, M. F., McGuinn, L., ... & Wegner, L. M. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232–e246. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2011-2663

·        van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.