The Hidden Cost of Being 'The Strong One': Why Men Avoid Therapy—And What It’s Costing Them
For generations, men have been told to “man up,” “shake it off,” or “deal with it…. like a man.” These phrases might seem harmless, even motivating. But for many men, especially those navigating high stress, relationship issues, grief, or depression, these cultural messages reinforce a dangerous idea: that being strong means staying silent. But what if silence isn’t strength? What if real strength is about facing what hurts and choosing to heal?
Why Men Are Less Likely to Seek Therapy
Despite the fact that approximately 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety, men are significantly less likely than women to seek mental health treatment (NIMH, 2023). This isn’t due to a lack of need—it’s due to stigma, cultural norms, and systemic barriers.
Here’s what the research shows:
Men are socialized to suppress emotions. From a young age, boys are often taught to be independent, to stay in control, and not to cry. These beliefs become internalized and show up as shame or discomfort when they experience sadness, fear, or vulnerability. A 2019 study in the American Journal of Men's Health found that traditional masculinity norms were associated with lower help-seeking behavior and increased psychological distress. PMC article link
Therapy is seen as a 'last resort.’ Many men wait until they’re in crisis before reaching out. Instead of early intervention, they try to "power through"—leading to more severe symptoms, substance use, and burnout.
Fear of judgment is real. Whether from friends, family, or employers, many men worry that asking for help will make them look weak, incompetent, or broken. In communities of color and immigrant families, these fears can be even more deeply rooted in ideas of being the provider or “the strong one.”
The Consequences of Staying Silent
Men die by suicide at a rate nearly four times higher than women in the U.S., according to the CDC. While not all suicides are linked to untreated mental illness, the correlation is clear: when men don’t have safe spaces to process emotional pain, the risk increases. Other silent costs include:
Difficulty with intimacy and relationships
Trouble managing anger, irritability, or shame
Turning to substances or work to cope
Feeling emotionally isolated or disconnected
Redefining Strength
Therapy doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means you’re tired of doing it all alone. Strength looks like:
Asking for support before things break down
Learning tools to manage stress, anger, and anxiety
Processing grief, past trauma, or relationship wounds without judgment
Becoming more present in your relationships, parenting, or work
In therapy, you don’t have to explain “why you feel this way.” You just show up—and we work through it together. Men aren’t avoiding therapy because they’re weak—they’ve been taught that silence is strength. It’s time to rewrite that story.
Making Therapy Work for You
Not every therapist is the same. The right therapist will meet you where you are—without pressure, shame, or confusing clinical jargon. Whether you want practical coping tools, a space to vent without judgment, or to understand old patterns that keep repeating, therapy can help you feel more in control of your mind and body.
You Deserve Support
You don’t have to keep it all together every single day. You don’t have to be “the strong one” for everyone else while ignoring your own needs. If you’ve been feeling disconnected, burned out, or overwhelmed, therapy might be the first step toward feeling like yourself again—or discovering who that person really is.
📚 Sources:
National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness
Suicide Statistics – CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts
Stigma and Masculinity – PMC: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7444121/
Men’s Mental Health and Help-Seeking: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6560805/
